Friday, August 6, 2010

Things you wouldn't do for a million dollars.

...I'm just going to skip all of the Hogwarts house chat that was commented on my wall.

Then it transfigured into talking about this youtube video.

Moving right ahead.

Tyler Hill wouldn't sin for a million dollars. Heh.
I'd be willing to punch Tyler in the face to get a bugatti veyron.
I would let Tyler drive it on Saturdays.

Yahya wouldn't un-Schmutz himself for 1 million dollars.

Niels...No such thing as dwarves, nothing to worry about.

Bayley. I wouldn't mind working in a parking lot for a million dollars. At all.

Well, that was easy. New one on the way? Yes.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Things that you wish parents wouldn't do to their kids.

I am really tired.

This week is drum camp. I go at 8 in the morning and get done around 3:30. It's really fun, but it's a long time to drum...I have this nasty blister on my ring finger from playing traditional for 7 hours.

I think I'm going to take a nap. I'm just going to put down the most original. Sorry guys.

Chantel - Make dirty jokes in front of their boyfriend/girlfriend. Unfortunately, I say this out of personal experience.

My dad likes to surf channels when Celia's dates are here. It always works out that there is a vulgar/gross thing that happens when he flips to a channel he doesn't know.

Mckann, any time parents get intimate EVER, I wish they wouldn't do it. Ever.

Celia - Put them on leashes.
Well Celia, If you had kids, maybe you'd understand.

But that child does look pretty sad.
Don't you especially love the monkey harness? It's like an excuse to leash your child...I don't know why the picture is turned too...
"Oh, it's not a leash, it's the monkey's tail."
Got that from Celia.

Yahya, I love that you still remember when my Dad said that.

Biblical references + hip lingo = things that you wish parents woiuldn't make their children sit through.

Peanut butter + Oriental Ramen = Not pad thai.

I think I'm going to take a nap now.
I'll change the question.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Things that scare you...

Lyn, why are you scared of me? There is nothing to be scared about.

Well, I'll tell you what I'm scared of now.
Aliens that grow in you and then rip through your stomach and then kill other people that get close to it.

I watched a rather frightening X-files with Finn, and there's a scary alien thing that does exactly that. Now I'm scared to go in well heated places, because that's where the alien likes to be...

And I haven't slept alone all week.

Chantel and Margaret think their addiction to X-files is scary, specifically their love for Fox Mulder.

Stacey...Why on earth are you scared of white sheets? All I can think of are stains. Are you scared to drink juice on a mattress covered with white sheets?
...Oh, or is it the Halloween ghost costume that scares you?

Niels is scared of Yahya...I am too. Have you ever tried playing vampire teeth with him? He's INVISIBLE.

Vampire teeth is a family game. It's hide n' seek with the lights off, and the person that's it wears glow-in-the-dark vampire teeth...

Under the green blanket is Julie Ann Jay. I love her and miss her so much. I'll remember those moments forever.

Oh. Also, Niels is scared of toddlers. Not me. I was never scared of toddlers AT ALL...
Well, that's a lie. I was terrified of toddlers from the time I was 7 to about 15...

Janell, that's 10% of the population of the WORLD that bought that song. If all of those people banded together, it would be a riot.
Or you could count the 15% of the world population that's downloaded Coldplay's Viva la vida. NOW THAT'S A RIOT. (Check out Niels' blog.)

Bayley's scared of shih tzus.
You think they're scary? Check this out!!!

Meet Sam, the ugliest dog.

Natalie is terrified of back hugs. Me and Niels have this game where one of us distracts her while the other one gets her right around the waist. Without fail, she will fall to the ground, attempting to break the hug. It's best in public, because then everyone looks at her like she's handy. (just had to use your word.)

Nicole, no one likes clowns anymore. Everyone hates clowns...But another one of my fears is wood shop. Last year, I saved about 5 kids from cutting off their fingers. Anxiety attack. The word saw just scares me.

Amy is scared of cranes. It took me a while to figure out what you were talking about...But now I understand. Your kind of scared of BOTH types of cranes. It's a double whammy.

Yes Mckann, that thought scares me too...I have never touched or seen seaweed in person, so I cannot say that I fear it.

Yahya...Only one answer please. I agree though, some people take tickle fights WAY too far...Rev dog?

Celia is scared of tickle fights at the deep end of the pool. Well, funny story. I'll tell it next time.

Everyone! Yahya hates full body hugs...Don't give him a full body hug next time you see him. ;)

Thanks everyone for your comments! If people keep coming, I'm going to have to start choosing favorites now that band camp/drum camp is going to start.

This one time at band camp...wewereallreallytiredbecausewedbeenpracticingforlike4hoursstraightandwendywasatthetimpaniandilookedoverandshehadfallenasleep.iLOLd.

Anyway. Want to see one of my favorite Youtube vids?

What was she thinking?

That's it for this post.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Woops, I forgot.

Things that really need a referee...

Celia said childbirth.
I don't know much about childbirth, but all of the fouls would sound like
Personal foul...Illegal contact.

Sorry Celia, I don't know how I forgot.

Love, Kent

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Things that really need a referee...

Malcolm, I think you read the question wrong. It's things that need a referee, not things that have a referee.

Soccer games do have refs. See for yourself.

Moving on.

Lyn Chapman said "Cat and mouse fights." Amen. If cat and mouse fights were reffed, Tom and Jerry would have lasted about 10 minutes.

Derek thinks ultimate frisbee should have a ref. I think so too, especially singles ward games. Those get a little steamy.

Will, just don't give them the ice-cream, see how they like that.

Jon-Michael answered three times. Buffets, relationships, and tonsil hockey.
Buffets, yes. What would be better for buffets would be a traffic cop. He could hand out tickets to kids that ran around, teenagers that ate too fast, and grandparents that just HOLD UP THE SALAD BAR.

Relationships, duh. Tonsil hockey, had to ask Celia what that was...

Clark Schmutz (my awesome brother) said Costco. It gets absolutely nuts at Costco. Especially at the sample lines.
One time, I was 3rd in line for a sample of that spinach ravioli. The worker put down 7 or 8 of them, and the lady in the front of the line took all of them but one. She had like 5 kids and her husband, and they all got one. Me and the other lady (who were standing kind of side to side thinking both of us would get one) looked at each other, and then we both walked off.
I think parents take their kids to Costco for the samples. I mean, it's free lunch.

Niels, we should write a letter to Wal-mart, telling them that we demand referees next Black Friday...I didn't hear about the man that got knifed over an XBOX 360, but I heard about the Wal-mart worker that got trampled to death.

I found the article, and I took some of it.

Wal-Mart worker trampled to death by frenzied Black Friday shoppers
In a sign of consumer desperation amid a bleak economy, the annual rite of retailing known as Black Friday turned chaotic and deadly.


The New York Times

In a sign of consumer desperation amid a bleak economy, the annual rite of retailing known as Black Friday turned chaotic and deadly, as shoppers scrambled for holiday bargains.

A Wal-Mart worker on Long Island, N.Y., died after being trampled by customers who broke through the doors early Friday, and other workers were trampled as they tried to rescue the man. At least four other people, including a woman who was eight months pregnant, were taken to hospitals.

Fights and injuries occurred elsewhere at other stores operated by Wal-Mart, the nation's leading discount chain, which is one of the few retailers thriving in the current economy.

Meanwhile, two men at a crowded Toys "R" Us in Palm Desert, Calif., pulled guns and shot each other to death after women with them brawled, witnesses said. The company released a statement late Friday saying the deaths were related to a personal dispute and not Black Friday shopping.

Yeah, that was 2008. Ridiculous.
Moving on.

Yayah, I totally agree. Our family reunions definately need referees.

Thanks for the answers, guys. Niels, Black Friday is going to be reffed this year.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Things you wanted to be when you were growing up.

I loved everyone's comments! This was a good one.

Mckann wanted to be a nun. Who wouldn't? Anyone that has seen the Sound of Music wants to be a nun.

Finn wanted and still wants to be a knight. I remember when the Christensens would cut head holes out of pizza boxes and use it as armor. Way creative. Then they got these cool wooden swords from Chiner. Finn was DESTINED to be a knite. BTW Finn, let's watch X-files soon.

Jon-Michael wanted to be and is a kid. Always will be.

Yahya! My favorite brother-in-law! And not ONLY because your my only brother-in-law. Yahya is married to my oldest sister Annie, and they live in New York.

Yahya's first answer was Thor, which makes sense. He's a very comic book type guy.
His SECOND answer was Utah Yuyah. Oh yes.

Yahya has a very unique name, and pretty much no one could get it right when he first came out to Youtah. I mean Utah. But anyway, about the 2nd day he was out with us, Momster asks him, "So how are you liking Utah, Youyah?"
Good thing Yahya is a good sport because that was ridiculous. We will never let Mom forget that one. Oh, and then one time Grandma thought she heard about her grandson-in-law on t.v. but they were just talking about Yo-Yo Ma.

Sister Chapman, if you really WERE invisible, would you abuse that power? Just wondering.

Celia SAID she wanted to be a garbage truck. Well, she couldn't want that because that's what I always wanted to do. I used to watch the Garbage truck empty our can every Thursday. I loved it. Still love it. Maybe I still DO want to be a Garbage truck. Not a driver, the truck.

Niels always wanted to be a woman. I already knew that, all he ever wants for his birthday present is a sensible pair of heels. (Niels is my best friend along with Jae.)

All of your answers gave me great delight.

But sorry guys, there's an OBVIOUS winner.

Chantel, one of my favorite cousins, wants to be in a coma.

I wasn't expecting this AT ALL, because I was thinking about careers and occupations. Nope. Chantel thought better.

She got her inspiration from Buster Bluth, who loves soup.

"Mmmm. I love soup. I wish I could just lie in bed and eat it all day. You know what, I wouldn't even have to taste it, I could just take it through a tube. That's actually be better because then I wouldn't even burn my toungue. . .never let me die!"

Buster and I BOTH are experienced in tribal ritual drumming.

Thanks everyone for your awesome comments! I'll have another question for you soon.
Now, enjoy one of my favorite Buster moments.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Things I wish I hadn't seen...

The 2010 Purina Dog show.

Oh Mylanta, guys. Yesterday, after church, I turned on the T.V. What was on?
Re-runs of the dog show.

It wasn't just a dog show, It was a dog SHOW. It started with the agility course, where the owner runs around with their dogs, putting them through tubes and over/through bars. Then It was the finals. The last dog to run made a bunch of mistakes and got really confused about where to go and stuff. I felt bad for that dog.

Then the winner handler was a total gem. She had no idea how to interview, she looked way too frazzled to be on national T.V. She looked more pained than excited when she won.

Then it went to the frisbee throwing contest. So many leaps and throws and catches... It was all choreographed according to the announcer. Yep. Music to throw and catch frisbee to. For. Dogs.

After that....Wait for it...
Wait for it....

Dog. Surfing.
Dog surfing.

Apparently, this is a TOTALLY normal and common activity in South California now. The only requirements are that the dog swims, and the owner swims. That's it. All it takes to make your dog a pro surfer. You should youtube this or something. Am I the only one who has never seen this? The commentators kept talking about how confident the dogs looked on the board. Well, to me, they look so...Unexcited.

Maybe it's just me. I didn't think there was anything more ridiculous you could do with your dog besides this. The regular dog show.

I honestly don't know how they choose, especially the dog that took 1st in the picture. I think he's attacking his owner. What do you think that dog is really thinking? Things that dogs really say when they bark... Then there's the dog to the right. His owner is congratulating the winners, but the dog is obviously really chapped.

Maybe they should choose winning dogs by how excited they are to be there.

Well, that's the dog show. Actually, it was pretty fun to watch, but my gut told me that's weird. The best part were the names of the dogs, but I forgot most of them. Look them up.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Things you shouldn't tie to the roof of your car...

Celia gave me this really good idea a few days ago...Why don't I ask the questions on my facebook, and people can just comment? It's a really good idea, because then I don't feel that I have to play things every week.

It's just...I've never felt so dedicated to something...Except my Xbox.

The latest question was "Things you shouldn't tie to the roof of your car."
Here are some of the answers.

But first, here's a how-to of roping kayaks to your car. Totally acceptable.

Moving on.

Mara wrote, "Your siblings."
Well, she has about 15 siblings, right? About 10 of the little ones were strapped to the roof on road trips....Or maybe she only has 5 siblings. Don't know.

Jorden Barrow said "Your ex-wife's corpse."
I was a little weirded out by this answer, but my Mom thought it was HILARIOUS.

Sister Chapman wrote "Your children."
Supposedly, duct tape works better than rope when it comes to children. She would know.

Liz obviously has something against the Iranians... Not ALL of them are fundamentalist extremists / terrorists.


Sister Ahlstrom, I have roped drum sets on cars. I agree. It's the most nerve-wracking experience...And I haven't found a way to play the set while driving.

Will C. a.k.a. Aragog said "a dog in a dog crate."
Opposed to a dog NOT in a dog crate. It's TOTALLY okay to rope down a regular dog.
you're making fun of me for the "Where is it?" thing? Well, grow up.

And then there's Andrew. He said "Your XBOX." Then he went on about how much Xbox I play. Well Andrew, I might delete you off my xbox live friends so you can't tell when I'm online. And I'm only at 4th prestige. Not that obsessed. (Jae's at 10th prestige...Don't even start accusing ME of being obsessed.)

Note: Skip this whole paragraph if you don't know what UMP45 FMJ means.
THEN Andrew and Will C. had a comment war on my wall. They went on about how Andrew was obsessed with Xbox, and Andrew tried to defend himself. Andrew, If your internet wasn't in your words gay, you would probably be at 7th or 8th prestige, because your so pro and obsessed with CODMW2. You did beat Spec ops on Veteran. I couldn't do that. And prestiging is not overrated because you get all of those fancy extra classes. BTW who wants to hear my favorite class?
ACR silencer with a M10 red dot sight. Throwing knife, flash grenades, and painkiller deathstreak.
Perks-------> Sleight of Hand Pro, Stopping Power Pro, And Ninja/Commando Pro.
I have every single one of the perks (Not including Hardline and One man army, not perks...) pro-ed...And I'll beat anyone at a quickscope/no scope/throwing knife lobby besides Jae.

Anyway! General public can keep reading.

Celia is still currently trying to think up a clever answer...It's been about 4 days.
Celia---------> Most likely to get the best answer in a week or so.

Thanks for all of your awesome comments everyone! Celia, good idea. Maybe by next post about Things you wanted to be when you were growing up, you'll have a sweet answer.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

After the Ward Potluck...

Hey guys.

After the awesome ward potluck, I got together with my friends to play some Things...
It was pretty good.

Picture from left to right: Andy Magelby a.k.a. Sam Bean, Natalie Christensen a.k.a. Nervous Pervous, Jaeho Yu a.k.a. Jaezo, Celia a.k.a. Frisky Sisty, Benson a.k.a. Tender biter. And then there's myself, Kent Schmutz.

About Them...

Celia is my sister. She just got off her mission about a month ago...Already thinking dirty thoughts.

Benson is Celia's boyfriend. He's really nice. This was his first time he played things... What a trooper!

Natalie is Celia's besty. That's what they call each other...Cute, right? She lives right up the street and she is awesome.

Andy is Natalie's boyfriend. Natalie thinks he looks like Sam Bean, singer of Iron and Wine. Well, at least when he grows his beard for another month.

Jaezo is my friend. We have been friends ever since he moved into our ward. He's really cool. We play CODMOW2 together. He's way better than I am...Not talking about that right now.

This was a pretty good night of things... It would have been better if everyone wasn't playing because I begged them to. I just needed some material to blog about, sorry If you didn't have a good time, guys...Anyways.

Let's get into the juicy gameplay.

Things you shouldn't do on your desk.

Benson - Mounting animals
Benson's into taxidermy...

Andy - Re-enact scenes from the musical "Cats"

Me - Get busy with the receptionist.

Natalie - Bicycle legs
My mom suffers from RLS.
R estless
L eg
S yndrome
She does bicycle legs to calm her restless legs.

Jae - Vigorously scrub at your pants because you spilled coke on them.

Celia - Dance on it
Oh, she's just getting warmed up.

Things you shouldn't lend.
(Thinking that it will be returned to you)

Kent - Your Spouse

Jae - Those fun balloons
He was building on to one of my old answers...Things that should be free? I said "Those fun balloons in the men's bathroom."

Natalie - Vagisil / Foot Pummice
Hope your not embarrassed that you said that. And this answer brought up a great conversation about the pedegg. Don't lend those either.

Celia - Rape horn
Ever seen Arrested Development? Like anyone would want to R her...

Benson - Garments

Andy - Syphilis (spelling?)
Even Andy didn't know how to spell it. I didn't know it was an STD.

Things you could use as an excuse on judgement day.

Kent - He pinned me down, there was nothing I could do!

Jae - I was born gay...

Benson - It started with a little biting tenderly...
Anyone seen silent library? Play off that. Really funny.

Celia - But...I'm retarded.
Just getting warmed up.

Natalie - I have diarrhea.
She tried to explain this to us. "What If you could have done a really important thing, but instead, you had to go?" Rough idea of what she said. It was actually funny.

Andy - It was the D****d leprechaun!

Things you shouldn't say to your boss.

Me - Anything I can do to get a raise?

Jae - Are you, um....Gay?

Andy - Your nails are tacky and you're a lousy kisser.

Benson - Can I lick your nipple?
When Celia was on her mission, Andy sent her a random picture of a fat red headed man showing his nipple with glee...We were talking about it earlier in the night.
Note: I had the picture up for a while, but It was really gross. I deleted it.

Natalie - No comment.

Celia - Your daughter's cute, how old is she now?

Things you shouldn't say to your wife.

Kent - Your sister's looking good...

Jae - Hey...You were horrible last night.

Natalie - I know what you are, but what am I? (Repeated over and over.)
Looks like someone took a trip back to 5th grade...Huh, Natanne?

Andy - I'd say your a 3, but your a demon in the sack.
No comment.

Celia - Do you want me to answer that honestly?

Benson- On a scale of 1 to 10, you're about a 8.75

About this last one...All of us have been obsessed with scale of 1 to 10 jokes ever since my brother Clark made a mistake.

Clark said to his wife that on a scale of 1 to 10 of attractiveness, she was a 9.
He also said that 10 was reserved for a time when Clark might see a sex goddess. Haha. Never letting Clark down on that one.




Kent - WINNER ----------------> They let me win.
Jae - Perv of the night
Andy - Funniest answers
Celia - Most likely to get better
Natalie - No comment
Benson - Rookie of the year

AND THERE WE GO!!! That's all there is this time. Hope you enjoyed.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Glass Castle changed my life.

Oh my grash.

I just finished one of my favorite books of all time. It's actually a memoir, and It's sort of depressing, but it's really good.

I had to read a Non-fiction book for AP English summer homework. I chose it out of a list, and Glass Castle had parentheses by it that said (Mature Content).
Thinking I was bad butt and able to handle any book, I chose it. Also, Celia said it was really good. She warned me that It was sad, but I didn't listen.

It's about Jeannette Walls, a very smart girl that grows up in a crazy family. Her Dad is an alcoholic, and her Mom didn't really want to take care of kids. She and her siblings are brilliant, and are able to make it to New York to take care of themselves, and they live good lives.

It was a really good book. It was sad, but really good. I recommend reading it.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

This is how it works...

Some friends and family might not know how the game of things works...

Everyone takes turns being the reader. The reader takes one of the cards. The card says something like "Things that you shouldn't laugh at." or "Things that are dirty." Everyone including the reader writes down the first thing that comes to their head when the card is read. You fold the paper twice, and pass it to the reader. The reader READS the papers after everyone is finished. Everyone except the reader then takes turns trying to guess who's paper is who's. You get a point for each guess you get right, and you go again. Get it wrong, and it's the next person's turn. Easy enough. Last person to be guessed gets a point. That's all there is to it. Before you write something down, be aware of who you are playing with.

HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES! I just pulled out a few random cards and gave answers.

Things that you shouldn't laugh at.
Neck braces. It's a weakness I have.

Things you would like to do with chocolate.
Eat it. (Sometimes you will start playing with someone that refuses to get creative. Never play with them again.)

Things that make you go oooooh.
I think you get it now.

Now you know how to play Things.

!!!Here's an example from a real game!!!

Things you wouldn't want to clean.
My Grandpa's belly button.

I really had to help my Grandpa clean out his belly button one time. It was the weirdest experience of my life. He wakes me up at 7 in the morning as says, "Hey son, I need your help with something." I got out of bed and followed him to the bathroom. He stopped me at the door and said, "Wait a sec, I'll tell you when you can come in." I waited for about 30 seconds until he told me to come in. I opened the door, and there he was. Sitting on the toilet, half naked. I held cotton swabs for him while he cleaned out his navel. It was really weird.

Want to see a really funny youtube video? Copy and paste.

For Starters...

Hello. My name is Kent Schmutz. That's a nerdy picture of me.

I have decided to start blogging. I doubt it will last long.

Yesterday, It was very hot outside. I became very thirsty. I drank Mountain Dew to quench my thirst.
Today, I am suffering from dehydration. I am very fatigued and my head hurts.

And I decided to start a blog in my state of tiredness.

What is the funniest thing in the world?
In my opinion, the funniest thing in the world is playing the game of things... with my irreverent friends and family.

This is probably the best game to ever exist. Go buy it. I play this game with my family and friends very often. I have decided that I will blog about every round of the game of things...
(Things for short.)

I am going to try and blog every time I play this game. The blog will include highlights, winners, losers, and the Perv award. I'll add a few little extra things in between.

Friends and family, this is for you. I will never let you live down your worst answers.